Pop psycho

Popular psychology has a little saying that goes like this "if you know it, you show it". The reason I am writing about this is because I know what a victim is. If I label someone to be a victim then it is said that I show this trait in my experience with others. Bottom line, I am a victim. I have bad feelings when I have things happen to me that I do not accept. My maturity level comes from my commitment to these feelings. In other words how committed am I to my poor feelings? Do I use them (poor feelings) to make others feel poorly? Do I make others feel so bad that I can make them do things for me? Do I use them to keep others away from me? I must change this way of looking at others as victims. I must see that these people that I have slapped the label of victim on as something else. How about needy? No, that's not going to work for me. How about someone that could use a hug? What if I remove the labels and start seeing everyone with some great potential and in need of a great big hug. That works for me!

A label for Arielle

How do we remember so much stuff? I can't remember half the stuff Lori wants me to get from the store when I go for her. The magic comes from the label. Manufactures put fancy covers on products but I have to read the back of boxes to know what I'm really getting. Often when we label stuff we just remember the associations we gave it the first time we herd of it. So why are you reading this anyway?

Let me see, Arielle is my daughter. Ok, I can go on to say that she is my first daughter. Cool, a nice fancy label. I mean I can't read the back of her boxes to know what she is made of. If I go on from here I can only add more labels and without knowing what she is made of I will only limit what Arielle can mean to me. If I teach Arielle to just label and not see more of what is really there I will only limit her perceptions. In other words, if I teach Arielle to think like me and label things like me she will only have a limited experience in life.

When you label something you limit what it can mean to you. What do you label that creates limits for you? Do you label yourself or others and stop the potential of what you or others can be? What does your box say? Forget that, step outside the box.

I'm winning!

What is success? How much money does it take to be there? How big a house, how fast a car? How right can you be or how smart? One thing I will teach Arielle or she will teach me is that in life it does not matter how much you gain.

Be still here in this moment and think about this next statement. You have a date with your maker. An end comes to every story. You ask yourself what is it that people really want from you in this life? Ultimately others do not remember you from how much you have etc. You will be remembered by how much you care. Like success, your quality of life comes from how you feel about where you are now. You can hang your hat on an illusion that you are right about how you've done life but you will only know sucess and love when you allow yourself to feel it with others.

Home made baby

Lori and I will be speaking at a class of mother and fathers taking the Bradley class for natural birth. It is a small class of expecting parents learning about vaginal births without drugs or too much intervention. Four groups of the parents will be having home births as we did. This seems to be a trend around here because we live only a few miles from Life Collage. I have no idea what our future chiropractors of the world have in mind with this movement. I will cover this more as I learn about it.

Family

We've been staying mostly in the bedroom for the first month hear on earth. Arielle has had limited visitors but she still tries to entertain by making faces at her Nanna and Anty Terry. Both have been a great amount of help with cooking dinner dishes that last us a few days, baby clothes and trips to the store for the little things baby needs. Lori and I have had many friends helping us also. The giving is so tremendous I don't dare to try to explain how grateful we are here. I will say that falks in California have been so generous that Lori has become home sick and has mentioned returning one day. But with house prices four times as much as they are here, I don't see it anytime soon.

More than a feeling

Why do we have children? Is it to entertain ourselves? Is it to get a tax deduction? Is this a question I ask at two o'clock in the morning when changing dippers? No, I know that having children is a right of passage and a celebration. We do not have kids so we have someone to keep us company or to prove how great we are. How do kids feel about being born? Let me tell you that having a child is the closest to perfection you will ever know and the closest to God you will ever get. Kids are ok with being born. They are ok with you being the parent. Kids are not out to get you. "A thing tis nether right nor wrong but thinking make it so." Shakespeare. When I change Arielle at four o'clock in the morning it is the best time of the day and the best time of my life.

I want to rock

Shown here Arielle Rose is caught on camera after a long night of rocking.

Late nights have not slowed this child any. After many all nighters the parents of Arielle Rose Trentham are starting to get the message. Learning more and more that America's youth have problems expressing themselves and only having one message to convey and that is the uncontrollable need to rock. Parents all over are discovering that children shortly after being born have a strong desire to rock. "It doesn't matter what music you expose them to" Arielle's father was quoted. He goes on to say that Arielle will rock to Mozart or the guy on the Vonage commercial. You know the one that goes like this? woo-hoo woo-hoo-hoo, woo-hoow woo hoo hoo!!!???

Pooff

After washing Arielle hair she is sporting a new look this spring. The weather may still be cool but little girls all over are makeing the transition to the new spring looks. Here Arielle is showing us the new spunk look still has legs. She was quoted as telling her daddy that "I have to be my own girl". 

Under the influence

ok, now that I know that I can not stop time where do I go know? As a parent I will have to always remember that I am the most important part of Arielles life. As with other people in our lives we often forget how much influence we have on them. Unless you are consciously aware of your intentions for what you would like others to know about your personal philosophies you are influencing others without realizing what is coming across or what is being communicated. I am still looking for parental guides and child development books and one book that I will be covering in the months to come is RCB. (redirecting children behavior) I may cover some basics chapters in the days to come. I may also look up some parent mag although I am not a huge fan of the conventional thinker. I know some great parents personally but my fear of Arielle being influenced in public schools will take some deep personal education. Basically the best way out of any fear is the power of knowledge.

Baby Fat

Three weeks and one day old. I never saw it coming. The time is slipping away as I sit here and write this. I have been told to appreciate this time when Arielle is young and small. You can not do any more than I have to stop time. Pictures on blogs and pictures on desktops even pictures of the first time I saw her left as a burning memory. I was there from the beginning. My hands where the first to hold her not a doctors, not a nurse. God help me, I can't stop her from growing up. Lori and I find ourselves looking at her together and then at each other. We don't have to say anything. We both know that we still can't believe we did it. So I am sorry to say that you can't really slow how fast they grow-up. I never noticed Arielle's little arms and legs getting bigger. I swear to you that I don't know when her cheeks got so chubby that you can now see a little dimple on her left cheek. I will never forget this time, I promise.

Tiny Baby

So here I am about to shave when Arielle tells me she is using the sink now and to come back latter. She likes to think that she is at the beach getting a tan.

So you know better. This is Arielle in our garden tub taking a bath. She loves the warm water and is always amazed by the echoes made from the tub. Her eyes open wide and she looks around to find were the noise is coming from. If you take your time and talk to her she will let you wash her hair without a fuss. The cold front we are experiencing now makes it hard to get out of the bath without protest. Lori still has an empathetic cry ever now and then when Arielle is in a deep painful cry. But as soon as the warmth of the towel makes her realize it's going to be ok the crying stops for both of them.

Daddy's girl

Arielle trys to hang with Daddy while I am watching the race on TV. I have put a television in the bedroom so Lori could rest as much as possible but I have found some use for it also.

What day is it?

Here is Lori with our first child. I remember the days when I slept until the alarm sounded and it was time to take care of the dogs. A nice walk accomplished just by opening the front door and by the time I had the coffee started the dogs would come in and I would use a cup to scoop out the dog food. Now, if I miss a posting just know that it is because I don't know what day it is. Arielle is doing well but we just started her on Simethicone for gas and it works so well that the burping makes her cry. But she is generally happy after it works out the gas. I used to rise with the sun but for the past two or three days I have gotten up at noon. Arielle likes to dance with me late still but we need to get her started on a time table for sleeping. I know it is a process so we listen to internet music to pass the time as gracefully as two sleepy heads can do.

Pictures

Some of the pictures that I have posted here are not all of Arielle. She sleeps now for most of the day. I have most of my pictures of her sleeping. I love every waking moment with her but I have made this commitment to post here daily and I have some crazy internet pictures that I am sharing along with my commentary. Most of my other pictures are Arielle on one side of her face and then the other. I have a passion for taking her pictures so there will be more to come.

Contrast

I have learned that Arielle sees things best in contrasting shades. The analytical part of the brain doesn't see things as black and white but it does see things more in opposites shades. One day she will see the high contrast of her father being a security technician and the fact that I am writing this blog. I have spent time on top of buildings from Atlanta, GA to Oakland, CA. Installing security cameras for the past twelve years. I've worn hard hats and tool belts on job sites of new construction and now my hands make use of things for baby. Diapers and onesies in one hand and wipes in the other. I could still use that tool belt now.

Up all night

When I do get to sleep nowadays it is deep sleep. Arielle is now sleeping more during the days and Lori is only really feeding twice a night. I didn't get to sleep until four this morning. We believe that Lori may have eaten something to make Arielle feel poorly. Tomatoes or onions may have been passed on to Arielle and made her tummy upset.

When I do sleep I believe that I go to sleep in such a great mood that I am well rested when I awaken. I held Arielle for two or three hours in the middle of the night but it gave me a chance to see that I have something to offer her now in the way of comfort. She liked the classical music we played for her and her mother liked the way Arielle and I danced around to take our mind off the pains of hiccups and such. I tried to dance to the music the best a big guy like me can so that Arielle could feel the soothing rhythms and learn to feel the music. I am glad I can write about it now so I can remember it more as reality rather than a dream.

Out with the old

I am doing away with the old web site for now. I will be using it for personal web use and then it will become an information station for home birthing. Lori and I will be gathering information to help others have successful home births. The site will tell you why we decided to have a home birth and then it will give all the information we had to learn in order to have it go so effortlessly.

This home birth venture of ours was Lori's achievement. I am proud of her commitment. It takes responsibility to do this. When she told me this was the way we were doing it I wanted to protest but I saw that it was something she desired more than anything she has done before. I saw that Lori had something more to give our lives then I could ever imagine. Having a home birth was more than a subtle change in our lives it was profound. Lori may not know just how to express this experience as beneficial yet but we are going to share our knowledge the best we know how. I hope in days to come that I can share just how much I see how this would benefit everyone. I have to learn more about expressing my feelings in order to be of use to Lori in this way. Until then I will keep sharing my perspectives on having a home made baby.

I have to say that my heart has never been so filled with joy before and this is a new feeling for me. I feel that I can walk a hero's path from here. A concept form Joseph Campbell that is basically about walking outside your comfort zone.

My little girl

I wanted anyone who has read my postings to know a little about what I mean when I say I want my daughter to be self reliant. I don't mean that I want her working as soon as possible. I want her happiness to come from being happy with herself. I owe it to Arielle to be the best father that I can be. Somewhere out there tonight some little girl's father fell short of his responsibility to his daughter and she is asking herself questions now like should I be drinking or should I be at home. The world is made to make us stronger now. It's not a bad place to be, you just have to be more self reliant than I was when I was a kid. I have to work hard at having good character so I can be an example to Arielle. She has to know that her father would do the right thing so I am expecting her to do the same. I can't always be there to hold her hand when she has to make the choices that can make or break her heart. This blog is my commitment to her and my daily prayer to be good to her and for her.

Dream Time

 

Tad Pole

I have to post this picture. Arielle is 12 days old and she is starting to grow. She is also starting to smile and as far as development goes she will start smiling when she hears our voice soon. Lori is singing to Arielle as I write this and I can see why she would smile when she hears Lori.

Arielle is sleeping best when she is asleep on our chest. We have talked to our midwife and she tells us we are overthinking some things. Just like first time parents. We are talking about not always letting her sleep on our person but as Debi our midwife says "she has had skin to skin contact for her first 9 months and we can take time to let her develop outside of womb." We do keep her best interests in mind. Self-reliance starts with trust and Arielle is developing trust first. I hope she will always know we are here for her because of this time. I see this to be something we only do for the first two months.

I am starting to check out the child development books now. I am wanting to help Arielle be open to learning. I don't know what this will look like but I do know that I will stay in a learning mode along with her. Who knows what helping her will look like in the days to come. Will I have to flash the cards in front of her? I know one thing for sure. I will be as supportive as Tiger Woods' dad, but I will not pick out what she will do as an adult. I will help her find her calling by helping her listen to her heart. What she loves to express will be her contribution. I will expose her to the musical instruments and dance. I will show her how to love what she is doing by example. I will ask her to write me stories as gifts to me and her mother but not demand it. I will follow her reactions to feel her love for what is working best for her and then help her find her commitment to her expression. I will have to show her what discipline is by example. Force will only push her away. An example will show her how and why discipline works.

Spring has sprung. Arielle has gotten tadpole belly from eating well. I am wanting to get out with Arielle to walk soon. We have a baby buggy that could work well on the moon. It looks like a space age lunar vehicle. And it has rubber tires for long walks. I am still waiting for the all clear to take Arielle outside. It will make the pictures more interesting. I have inserted two pictures Lori has taken of me and Arielle. One with the David Carridine pouch and one with Arielle in the pouch.

Arielle is sleeping most of the time. She is awake 2 and a half hours out of every 12 hours of the day. We are playing classical music for her and I am reading B. Readler W. Dyer and A. Hicks to her. If I ever find a book from the Chika Center I will read that to her straight away. Keep us in your prayers and dreams as you will be in ours.

I love reading to Arielle and if anyone would like to recommend great non-fiction we would love to look it up. I would like to recommend Andy Andrews to anyone new to self-help reading. This guy has so much heart you will fall in love with him. You can see him on PBS on March 19th. at 11am. You may have to video record this but it's worth it. He speaks as well as W. Dyer

Let me know about the good reads.

We are slowly adjusting to each other now. Lori, Arielle and I all sleep together in our big bed. Lori can not tell me to go sleep on the couch now when I snore because I change the dippers at night. Arielle just covers her ears.

I do not know for the life of me, why people make the hand and foot prints. Tell all the young parents to do this stuff just after birth. Arielle was awake and she did not like this process at all. The prints are framed and in the babies room. They turned out fine but I will never forget the night we just had to take the prints from baby. Oh, we discovered Arielle has a sense of what she does not like and that she is willful and strong.

I am not able to take a new picture this morning because I have cleaning to do. My wife has done her work by having this baby and now I get to do my part. Arielle and I are letting Lori sleep this morning and we go into the living room to watch TV. Arielle is not happy at all with just laying down and watching me watch TV. I tell her she has a point. I look around the house to find a way to adjust to my new roll as a house husband. I find a pouch like baby carrier that you can put on and hole baby around as you stand. SO, I put Arielle in this thing and she tells me it's going to be okay Dad. I put this pouch on around my head and Arielle looks up at me and said "See, I told you!" So I walk around with our child in this thing and then I have to do a manly reality check. Suddenly this thing feels like a purse to me. But I notice that Arielle has fallen asleep faster than she ever has for me. She knows how to tell me that I am not the Momma. So I think for a minute and realize that I can just imagine that I am David Carradine from the TV show Kung Fu walking across the desert with his pouch on. So then suddenly I am David Carradine doing the dishes.

That is all for now. I have to kick this houses ass before Lori gets up.

Tonight at 7:55 will be Arielle's birthday. She will be one week old! I was telling a friend on an e-mail last night that I feel that I've been awake for a week. It was cool last night and after changing Arielle I wrapped her up to stay warm. We had a long day because we had to go to the doctors. She did vary little crying even when they took her blood for test. She did cry on the way home after being in her car seat for an hour. Traffic was backed-up and we had to take a long way home. It was hard on Lori to hear her cry so hard for the first time. She is great traveling. She was only trying to tell us the she was too hot in her car seat.

This picture was taken in the dark and I could not bring myself to delete it. So I used some software to add light to it and I love it. I am so happy that I took the time to save this picture. I am going crazy oover this kid I tell you.

We have to take our time with Arielle. She tends to fall asleep during feedings. Lori does what she can to get her fed and she is doing great. It is a great lesson to for us to go with the flow of life. Arielle is nice to change when she needs a dipper but the down side is she is so laid back that she goes right out after feeding for ten minutes.

I am talking to her and reading to her when she is awake. I read how this promotes brain development. She in turn makes the greatest little noises like she is trying to talk back to me. She even tries to hold her head up now. She can for 2 to 3 seconds but it's remarkable when you are holding her and she does this in your hands.

A question that I ask myself now every morning is "What is possible?" Arielle is starting off with a fresh new start. She has no limits except the ones Lori and I impose on her. We have committed our lives to her to help her see that anything is possible for her. From here she can fly to the moon or she can be the next Oprah. Lori and I will fill her with happiness and respect and she will fill us with a sense of "ah", wonderment and love.

 

This is bath time! Arielle enjoyed the bath and being in the warm water. She was scared at first, no more than I was having her in the water 2 and 1/2 inches deep. This is a picture getting ready her first bath and we have given her 3 baths so far. Not everything we have to put her on is cotton so Lori and our mid-wife think that her new skin may be reacting to synthetics and a need to be cleaned.
Lori is doing well but she tends to stay up all night with the baby. She loves to nurse the baby so Arielle has only cried once or twice. I think it comforts us to know that she is able to cry for her needs.

It is becoming hard to take new pictures because we spend most of our time in the bedroom. I will be trying to get more pictures of Arielle with her eyes open. I have to say how much I loved having my sister and mother over to see the baby. I missed the op. to take pictures with them but they will be around to get more soon.

This is the fastest way for me to post pictures. I will be using this web address from now on to post pictures of Arielle. It gives me more time with the girls and I will be using the others site for other personal info. I hope you enjoy the pictures and you can come back at any time as I will be up-loading pictures often.
Babies First Bath!
Oh!

Babies full name:
Arielle Rose Trentham
Born: 02-28-06 at 7:55pm
7lbs. 12oz.
19 inches

This picture is a special request picture for Lori's sister. We call it the "Big as a house picture" This picture was taken 3 to 4 days before the big day.